Losing you wasn't just painful, it was fucking damaging also. It wasn't me sitting on a couch surrounded by friends while we watched movies and ate food trying to forget you. It was me staying up until 4 in the morning because the thought of you was so strong I couldn't even close my eyes without seeing your face. It was me trying so hard not to fall apart and sob in public, the hole in my chest causing my breath to come out shake and not normal. It was me crying at random hours of the day and not wanting to get out of bed...it was me deleting things of you out of my life and then regretting it because I missed it. Losing you hurts and I'll never forget this pain. I wish I had been smart and better. I wish I had come to you when I struggled and said "I need help, help me so I can be what I need to be for our family" I wish you had come to me and said "hey, I saw this...how can I help, let's fix this " I wish we had been smarter, I wish we could have learned and grown from our mistakes and now it's just all to late. I lost my best friend, my family, my heart. This will never fade.
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