Remember when

Remember when you'd come home and I'd run to hug you and then Tucker would jump on us?  I'd kill for that right now. I'd give anything for you to walk through the door. Id give anything to go back to my home. How am I supposed to move on and be happy when the love of my life and my best friend doesn't want me anymore after how happy we were? You've ruined me for anyone else. I'm always going to compared them to you. They will always fall short. I'm sorry I couldn't be perfect, I'm sorry I fell short. I wish I could either go back in time and never have met you so that I don't feel this pain...or go back and do things better so that I always made you happy and you wouldn't have given up on me and us...remember when we were happy?

Hate

I miss being happy, I miss our home, I miss getting excited to see you after work, I miss your smile, I miss how you looked at me, I miss your hands and the way they touched me, I miss making you laugh, I miss falling asleep with you, I miss waking up with you, I miss cuddles and movies,  I miss our couch, I miss our bed, I miss our dishes. I miss being happy. I feel like my body is breaking all the time. I don't want to live without you. I wish I told you when I struggled, I wish I asked for your help, I wish you could forgive me, I wish we could start over and do better because we learned. I miss you, I love you.

??

When did I become old? It doesn't feel like that long ago that I was going to concerts and staying out all night and just laughing all the time. How and when did I become old? I want to go to bed at 9 pm, I haven't really danced in forever, I haven't stayed up all night or just went on a spontaneous adventure in so long. At what point in life is this OK?  How do I not become old? How do I find that youthfulness again?

https://youtu.be/90mzH1kvznQ

The year

Long car rides, the last summer days, blood orange sunsets, long kisses, longer hugs. Silence, light breezes, knowing he loves you. Suit jackets & pastel dresses, slow dancing. Him singing in the car, bonfires. Loving stares and baggy sweatshirts. Light rainfalls, music & so many words. Pictures, card games, laughing until we cry. One more hug & no more goodbyes.

Why I love him

You know what makes me love you more than I loved him? Its because when he got me, I was perfectly unused. I was fearless and a hopeless romantic. When you got me I was bruised and battered. I was afraid of the world and love but trying to hide it, and yet you didn't leave. You call me beautiful like its my name. And I knew I loved you when suddenly "home" went from a place to a person.

I don't want 25 to end.

I know I've been whining about turning 26 and I don't want to get older, but it's more than just that. I had such a good year being 25 and I'm just net ready to say goodbye to that yet and jump into the next age. I made great friends, I fell deeper in love than I ever thought I could, I had that cute little apartment in the city and I had great nights. What if 26 isn't as good?

That kind of love

 It’s so easy to love someone when things are perfect and everything’s wonderful. But to love someone when things are difficult, when they’re not being perfect, when they’re messing up, flaws are seen, mistakes are made, i think that’s what really allows you to see how much love really is there. Anyone can love someone who’s doing and saying all the right things, being everything you want and need, when they’ve got it all together, when they have it all figured out, but to love someone at their lowest, to love someone despite how broken they feel, when they’re lost, when you’re willing to stand by them no matter how challenging or difficult things may be, i think that kind of love is a lot more beautiful. I think that kind of love is a lot more meaningful. That's the kind of love I strive for, that's the kind of love I want to give. You don't always have to be perfect. I'm not going anywhere, I'm here. And that's the kind of love I want in return.