Sunday, September 30, 2018

He'll always be in my heart

It doesn’t really make sense and it’s definitely nowhere near fair. 
I had my life, and sure there were things  i wished I  could change or struggles i could live without, but i did the best i could and found my “happy enough”. 
Love really never proved to be on my side in the past, but i never gave up on it. And no matter what happened in my life, i kept an open mind and a giving heart.
But even so, i never expected that an extraordinary love could make its way into the cracks of my heart, so when he came along, my world just turned upside down.  
He promised a future i only ever dreamt about. He made me feel safe but also, like i were on the adventure of a lifetime. He loved me in a way no other person, let alone man ever had. 
My life felt purposeful and my love felt meaningful. This wasn’t some mediocre love i could control, it just felt bigger than the two of us. 
i didn’t deserve to feel something so magical for only a short bit of time just have to return to a life without it. That’s not an easy thing to cope with, especially when none of it was what i wanted. 
I'll carry that feeling in my heart forever, and I will never be ashamed of that. He gave me that feeling, so whether i want to or not, I will just always be a connection to him. 
And right now, it may be unbearably painful to feel like i may never get him out of my heart but when my heart heals and doesn’t feel so heavy, I'll  be glad to have the extra weight. 
Because there will come a time when I will stop waiting for a text from him, or even the thought of another moment without him won’t overwhelm me. 
It won’t happen at once, but there will be a day when I will more focused on my life that I'll  slowly let go of him as the person I  was supposed to spend forever with. 
So for now, I love him as long as I  need to, because one day he will be an important piece of the puzzle. One day, I will remember how he made me feel loved, and I  will remember this heartbreak and i will know exactly what I want from someone else. 
One day all the pieces will fit together, and I'll  really truly feel a love ill never have to live without. I'm just always going to wish it was him

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