Remember

Remember the days when Tucker and I would sit at the couch staring out the window waiting for you? And as soon as you get home we'd rush to jump on You? How stupid we were, how stupid we were to think that you had the same love for us. How stupid we were to give you all the love we had. We are still stupid because if give anything to wait for you again

I don't enjoy

I don't enjoy this life. I get through it. I wake up and go through all the motions I'm supposed to. I do the things I have to but I enjoy nothing. I can't do this forever...I lost everything. I lost a huge chunk of myself.  I don't feel whole, I don't feel happy. I feel lost and empty and sad and alone. I miss my best friend. There's a hole in me and I don't think it will ever be filled. You do not get lucky enough to to have to soul mates. And I messed mine up..if do anything for my family to be back together. I wish this life would just end

Our world

Remember the nights we'd just lay In the hammock and share music with each other and talk about nothing and everything? In the best conversations, you don’t even remember what you talked about, only how it felt. It was like we weren’t even there, lying together in the backyard. It felt like we were in some place your body can’t visit, some place with no ceiling and no walls and no floor and no instruments. Just in our own world. I miss our world.

You killed me

I kept thinking about how I’d been scared of monsters as a kid. When I was little, I knew monsters weren’t, like, real. But I also knew I could be hurt by things that weren’t real. I knew that made-up things mattered, and could kill you.

You're not in control

I was beginning to learn that your life is a story told about you, not one that you tell. Of course, you pretend to be the author. You have to. You think you’re the painter, but you’re the canvas.

How many times

How many times do I cry myself to sleep before it'll go away? I just wish I was numb

Some days I just feel like I'm dying. It's hard to take a breath without crying and today is one of those. All I want to do is come home and figure out what to make for dinner with you, and snuggle on the couch and watch a movie. It kills me that you think I didn't want our life, I wanted everything with you. I loved being at home with you,  going out with you, one post about me being bored was about me. What about reading all the love posts about you. I love you...legit everything with you because I loved you. I love you so much. I just can't do this...how to you live after that..i know I messed up and made mistakes becausee I didn't love me, i couldn't figure me out. I thought you loved me though.