Regret

I regret that I'll die with regrets. I wish I could be the person I am now back then. There's so much I'd change and do differently. I be the person you needed and who I needed. I didn't know how to be that person. You made me so happy, you showed me the kind of love I didn't think was real. You made all the books I read seem ridiculous in comparison. I craved that happiness because it felt so good. But I wasn't happy with myself so I clung to you and that was so stupid. I didn't believe in myself at all. I wasn't strong enough for you. I let so much self doubt eat me away, I lost who I wanted to be. And then you lost faith in me too and I just felt like I was drowning. I am learning to be strong, I am learning my self worth. I am trying to love myself and make myself happy .  It's so hard knowing that my failures cost me you and B though. Because I still love you both. I miss you both. I will always live with that regret.

I just miss you

I miss you so much I can't breathe, I feel like I haven't taken a deep breath in 6 months. I miss how our house smelled, I miss having you to come home to, I miss how no matter how bad the day was I had you to come home to. It doesn't matter what I do or how successful I am...I lost you and I'll never be the same. To me, you were everything and I lost everything

How can i live like this

You're  still the one I dream about even though you're not mine.

So I've made a load of your love and I search for someone to cram into your mold.

But I don't know?
No mold of you will fill the hole you left in my heart and life.

What do i do?

I dont know what to do with all this love now that youre gone

Remember

Remember the days when Tucker and I would sit at the couch staring out the window waiting for you? And as soon as you get home we'd rush to jump on You? How stupid we were, how stupid we were to think that you had the same love for us. How stupid we were to give you all the love we had. We are still stupid because if give anything to wait for you again

I don't enjoy

I don't enjoy this life. I get through it. I wake up and go through all the motions I'm supposed to. I do the things I have to but I enjoy nothing. I can't do this forever...I lost everything. I lost a huge chunk of myself.  I don't feel whole, I don't feel happy. I feel lost and empty and sad and alone. I miss my best friend. There's a hole in me and I don't think it will ever be filled. You do not get lucky enough to to have to soul mates. And I messed mine up..if do anything for my family to be back together. I wish this life would just end

Our world

Remember the nights we'd just lay In the hammock and share music with each other and talk about nothing and everything? In the best conversations, you don’t even remember what you talked about, only how it felt. It was like we weren’t even there, lying together in the backyard. It felt like we were in some place your body can’t visit, some place with no ceiling and no walls and no floor and no instruments. Just in our own world. I miss our world.