Regret

I regret that I'll die with regrets. I wish I could be the person I am now back then. There's so much I'd change and do differently. I be the person you needed and who I needed. I didn't know how to be that person. You made me so happy, you showed me the kind of love I didn't think was real. You made all the books I read seem ridiculous in comparison. I craved that happiness because it felt so good. But I wasn't happy with myself so I clung to you and that was so stupid. I didn't believe in myself at all. I wasn't strong enough for you. I let so much self doubt eat me away, I lost who I wanted to be. And then you lost faith in me too and I just felt like I was drowning. I am learning to be strong, I am learning my self worth. I am trying to love myself and make myself happy .  It's so hard knowing that my failures cost me you and B though. Because I still love you both. I miss you both. I will always live with that regret.

I just miss you

I miss you so much I can't breathe, I feel like I haven't taken a deep breath in 6 months. I miss how our house smelled, I miss having you to come home to, I miss how no matter how bad the day was I had you to come home to. It doesn't matter what I do or how successful I am...I lost you and I'll never be the same. To me, you were everything and I lost everything