I don't want 25 to end.

I know I've been whining about turning 26 and I don't want to get older, but it's more than just that. I had such a good year being 25 and I'm just net ready to say goodbye to that yet and jump into the next age. I made great friends, I fell deeper in love than I ever thought I could, I had that cute little apartment in the city and I had great nights. What if 26 isn't as good?

That kind of love

 It’s so easy to love someone when things are perfect and everything’s wonderful. But to love someone when things are difficult, when they’re not being perfect, when they’re messing up, flaws are seen, mistakes are made, i think that’s what really allows you to see how much love really is there. Anyone can love someone who’s doing and saying all the right things, being everything you want and need, when they’ve got it all together, when they have it all figured out, but to love someone at their lowest, to love someone despite how broken they feel, when they’re lost, when you’re willing to stand by them no matter how challenging or difficult things may be, i think that kind of love is a lot more beautiful. I think that kind of love is a lot more meaningful. That's the kind of love I strive for, that's the kind of love I want to give. You don't always have to be perfect. I'm not going anywhere, I'm here. And that's the kind of love I want in return.

I didn't understand...until now

Until I met you I didn't understand love songs or why people danced with each other

I didn't understand kissing or why it was beautiful

I didn't understand texting someone when you just saw them, that need to not end the conversation

I didn't understand why coming home could be such a happy feeling

I didn't understand how missing someone could make you love them even more

I didn't understand how your heart could feel like its about to explode with love

I didn't understand how you could be doing nothing with the person you love and be the happiest ever

I didn't understand any of this before you

I didn't understand love before you

Thank you for teaching me

We should all just dance

I just read a quote by friedrich Nietzsche
"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
It really made me think about how I judge people based on something I don't understand or how I'm sure I'm judged by people who don't understand me. I also think there's a little bit of jealously there as well, the people judging are jealous of the dancers. We really shouldn't have that mindset, its sad and uncreative to just automatically judge someone based on something you don't understand; it holds you back from experiencing new things or being open to new and different friendships. If we as a people could just overcome that fault imagine how great life would be, no more bullies at school or work, more friendships and that would just make life so much more happier and richer.

Silly girl

You silly girl, you crazy, stupid, stubborn girl. When will you learn that you are better and stronger than you think? When will you realize that you are not bullet proof so stop hiding how you feel, you are soft and alive, you bruise but you heal ; and that is what's so beautiful about you. You are a warm, loving human so embrace your emotion and realize that they are not weak, they make you beautiful.

Crave

Its 2 am and I can only lay in bed and crave what I can't have. I want open spaces, I miss having room to breathe and get lost in. I want to go for late night drives with the windows rolled down and the warm wind slipping through my fingers. I want more adventure, random crazy adventure. I'm so scared of losing who I am. Getting stuck in a routine and forgetting that I enjoy randomness, spending my day off painting, sleeping in, just driving to go no where. I'm trying not to forget who I am but its hard until I'm alone at 2 am and its all I can think about.

What I've learned

I use to freak out if everything didn't go a certain way, I'd  stress out so bad if I thought things shouldn't be happening the way they were. Well guess what unexpected things happen, that doesn't mean the world will end it just means I had to learn to be flexible.  I learned that I couldn't control everything that happens in my life but what I can control is how I handle it. I just had to make a decision,  stress out when life throws me a curve ball or handle it with courage,  humor and grace?   Guess which one I chose. And things have worked out...they didn't go as planned but they worked out. I decided I liked being lost in the right direction. 

Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you. There will be so many people in your life who will just get you and love you for who you are. So don't let the few people who give you a hard time get you down. Just surround yourself with the positive people who will only make you a better version of yourself. They are the only ones worth your time.

You should date a girl who reads.
Date a girl who reads. Date a girl who spends her money on books instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many books. Date a girl who has a list of books she wants to read, who has had a library card since she was twelve.

Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow and worn.

She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.

Buy her another cup of coffee.

Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.

It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry and in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a shot somehow.

Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.

Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who read understand that all things must come to end, but that you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.

Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilight series.

If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.

You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.

You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.

I love you

" I love you" means that I accept you for the person that you are, and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you’re in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. “I love you” means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for me.